Saturday, December 08, 2007

Is that an outsize root vegetable in your pocket?

Women of Britain can sleep a little easier, knowing that one of the nation's most infamous sex criminals is now safely behind bars. The BBC reports:

A sex attacker who hid a carrot in his trousers and pretended it was his erect penis has been jailed for 18 months.

Driving instructor Stephen Cooney, 51, groped three female learner drivers in a series of attacks on Teesside dating back to 2002.
Specifically:
The court heard how Cooney put the 12-inch carrot down his trousers and told a pupil in her 40s that a perfectly executed manoeuvre was so good that it had given him an erection.
Okay, so this was a bit iffy. But which of us wouldn't succumb to temptation in the face of a perfectly executed manoeuvre and the ready availability of a 12-inch carrot?

But then he overstepped the mark:
He then took her hand and made her touch the vegetable before showing her the carrot, the court heard.
And she was not his only victim:
Giving evidence, another of Cooney's pupils said when she failed her test he offered to waive the £80 she owed him if she pulled over into a lay-by and had sex with him.

She told the court: "I just said 'No thank you, Steve'."

He regularly groped her during lessons between August 2005 and February last year, the court heard.
She endured six months of his groping? Wow, driving instructors must be thin on the ground in Teesside.
Jailing him, Judge George Moorhouse, said: "You were in a position of trust."
Okaaay... So driving instructors are on a par with teachers and doctors now, are they, in the trust stakes?

It's just as well the Government has a programme of new super-prisons in the pipeline, because at this rate (what with all the carrot creeps and lyrical terrorists coming out of the woodwork) we are going to need them.

And why isn't the carrot grower being pursued for recklessly releasing an intimidating vegetable onto the market? Surely, Elf 'n Safety legislation must have something to say about this?

2 comments:

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Only in Britain!

Deadbeat Dad said...

Quite, Welshcakes. There is no sense of perspective (in the public sphere at least) here any more. None that I can recognise, anyway.

I thought I had fallen down the rabbit hole when I went through the family courts, but I've come to believe that the outside world is no less unhinged.

Congratulations on your new job, btw.